today i'm asking myself all sorts of stupid questions:
what do you believe in?
do you care when you are wrong?
what about that one time she lied to you?
what about all of those times you lied to THEM?
what happened to the poetry?
where do the decades go?
is all this worth it for the sick kids?
what happened two summers ago isn't going to let up, is it?
you're fatter, is that okay?
when was the last time someone did something surprisingly nice for you?
did "i miss you" just recently lose all significant meaning?
are you all in love?
where is marley? is he being taken care of? does he need a crazy shit=eating girl to love him, care for him, play with him, take him swimming, trampoline with him, chicken fingers with him, mcdonalds with him, love him, all for him?
in other news:
i have no idea what i am writing, just know that it is my personal statement, capable of pin-pointing to the utmost detail, just exactly why it is that i should be chosen over hundreds of thousands of other human beings to be allowed to sacrifice my life away, my friendships away, my health away, my love away, my free time away, my friday nights away, my dinners with her away. to give up my last chance to be: normal.
INSTEAD: YES! MAKE ME FIGHT FOR THE CHANCE TO BE THE VERY SITE OF MY OWN DISASTER!
and now: i'm going to get stoned, i'm going to get so stoned; forget this nonexistent conversation.