i want to settle down. i want to tell myself NO because everything often emotionally confuses me: i stop differentiating between personal and social. i didnt know what i felt for anyone until now.

when vibrations move too fast and jagged--that kind of experience--, "i" move so fast, i can no longer feel. is feeling therefore just self-reflection? ihave to base myself on immediate strong action reactions, not on thoughts. i want to be calm cause then i have more freedom. i want one for me and proudly, that is my focus.

my world: the world will be total ruin. my mind obeys only emotion, not emotion as opposed to intellect, but passion, joy, madness. this is the breaking up of rationality.

you are more than sex: the force power i can perceive rises up outside me. i break myself against it. i am religious.