:don't worry you'll get over it. you'll grow up, you'll calm down: (subhumans)

i chopped off all my hair today. i put on my old bracelets and listened to subhumans. and then some jello...and some nofx..and oh geez i love you too eve.....and yeah kathleen and tobi came to visit...and minor threat (i may be an adult but i'm a minor at heart) and it was just the only thing that made any sense to me...was this music...this side of me that i've been pushing aside. and i want it all back right now! and its all about PUNK right now....very fast and very hard...and i just scream right along with it ...i let it become me.

:these wounds leave furrows as they heal: i've traveled them, they're red and real: i know them well, they're part of me: my birth, my sex, my history: they grew with me, my closest friend: my pain's my own, my pain's my end: (crass)

and i guess it is pretty fucked up that it is called a phase. that it is thought of as something that you'll get over. how can you get over what you are all about? how does that just happen??? it doesnt. i understand myself as someone who makes sense under the ethics of punk. in this subculture you can say THIS IS ME. take it. and in my own little subdivision of the universe of punk...i understand that everything we do is political. what we eat and what we wear, thats all very political stuff. and if you choose to go to the walmart for your toothpaste and tampons, you are making a political statement. and thats just not what i want to be a part of. i want to remain very grassroots and very much about people. and one way of doing that is putting your money where your mouth is. i dont buy listerine, i buy toms of maine. i dont buy tampax or ob...or other tampons that are bleached with pesticides that poison women, i buy natracare. i dont buy nike, i dont show my support of slavetradework and sweat shops, i buy vans...made in america and made with canvas, not cows. and when you make that decision to live as sub-corporate as you can, to put your money where its needed.. where people are still part of the equation...when you do that...it gets a little easier to stick up for yourself...and to not take shit from your boss...and to walk out when you feel uncomfortable..and i just feel so damn blessed that i feel this way...and i dont understand how its still considered such a radical way of thinking.

:is my cock big enough : is my brain small enough : for you to make me a star : give me a toot : i'll sell you my soul : pull my strings and i'll go far: (dead kennedys)

and right now i'm so about making myself as unemployable as possible..i'm sticking metal through my face...getting tattoos up and down my arms..and i want to see whos going to hire me for me. whos going to say...you know what, you're rad and talented and we want you work here. and if no one does. FUCK THEM . i dont care anymore. i just care about you gal. and i love you so fucking much that i dont make any sense without you..and everything has to be loud!!! and everything has to be fast!!!! and everything has to have SOMETHING TO SAY. i just cant take the bullshit anymore.

:even if it's easy to be free : what's your definition of freedom : and who the fuck are you, anyway : who the fuck are they : who the fuck am i to say : what the fuck is really going on: (nofx)